


At Least Flowers Don’t Have to Use the Correct Fork

by CoramDeo



Series: Best Friends Forever [4]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Decisive Action, Diplomacy, Fluff, Gen, Interminable State Banquets, Lack of Diplomacy, Pillow Pummelling, Platonic Relationships, Post-Endgame, Post-Undertale Pacifist Route, Sibling Bonding, Slice of Life, Vegetable-Based Warfare, weird food
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-18 08:15:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29730993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoramDeo/pseuds/CoramDeo
Summary: Having a SOUL back is pretty great.  Everything is better for Asriel as a monster prince with Mom, Dad, and his siblings, compared to the life he used to have.Well,almosteverything.
Relationships: Asgore Dreemurr/Toriel
Series: Best Friends Forever [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1591552
Comments: 13
Kudos: 23
Collections: Fanfiction From The Chara Defense Squad





	At Least Flowers Don’t Have to Use the Correct Fork

**Author's Note:**

  * For [YetAnotherPersona](https://archiveofourown.org/users/YetAnotherPersona/gifts), [Gote_Herder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gote_Herder/gifts).



> Thanks as always to [TakaiWolf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TakaiWolf/), whose editing assistance is invaluable.

With the blade glinting in the light, Asriel raised the knife and closed his eyes for just a moment. He hadn't wanted this. He had tried, desperately, to escape the fate that had relentlessly driven him to this point. But he had never been the one in control. There was no way to avoid this. There never had been. As his knife plunged downwards and cut through soft skin, he wondered if Frisk shared any of the same regrets. 

Probably not, he thought, as he sliced his potato. He popped a piece into his mouth and glanced sidelong at his brother, sitting a couple of seats away on his right, who was delicately taking a bite of salmon. Unlike Chara and Asriel, who had groaned loudly when their parents announced they would be required to attend yet another incredibly boring state banquet, Frisk has taken the news without a fuss. It wasn't that Frisk was the world's most gifted dinner conversationalist, or that he particularly liked being stuck at a banquet table for hours, but his easy-going, up-for-anything manner meant that he shrugged and politely did what was necessary at diplomatic events without complaining. Even if that meant dressing up in uncomfortable formal wear and attending stuffy dinners with weird food and uninteresting dignitaries and listening to the adults talk about extremely boring things for hours. Like right now. 

Asriel sighed, and slumped down a little, only remembering at the last second not to stick his elbow on the table to prop his head up. He snapped back up and glanced nervously at his mother, on the other side of the massive round table, to see if yet another glare was forthcoming. Fortunately, she was occupied talking to some lady diplomat next to her. 

There was an itch on his shoulder blade where the fabric of his royal robes rubbed against his neck. He flexed his shoulders in a futile attempt to make it stop and wondered if he could get away with sneaking a claw back there to scratch it. Seemed unlikely. Maybe he could try to casually rub his shoulder against the high-backed ornate chair? 

He looked over at Chara to see how she was getting along, two seats away on his left. She caught his glance and rolled her eyes. It was some consolation at least to know that the two of them were united in suffering. Chara was wearing the green and gold gown she liked and had on a silver necklace just like Mom's with an intricately carved Delta Rune pendant. It really didn't go very well with the golden chain and locket around her neck, but Mom hadn't said a word about it. She hadn't said anything to him either, Asriel thought, looking down at his own locket, even though it wasn't really the sort of thing you wore to a formal dinner. 

What was hilarious was that Chara had to wear some sort of princessesy crown thing on her head, a simpler version of the delicate gold circlet Mom had around her horns. Of the three children, Chara enjoyed dressing up the most, but she hadn't learned the art of gracefully holding her head in such a way that the crown didn't slip off. Asriel felt a little guilty over the amusement he got watching it slide away from her every time she tilted her head down too far before her hand shot up to catch it. After the third time it had almost landed in her food, he couldn't help but snort just a bit - too subtly for the guests on either side of him to notice, but enough for his sister to shoot him a death glare. 

He wished she and Frisk could have been sitting next to him. Unfortunately, some dumb protocol called for the monster representatives and the human dignitaries to sit alternately around the large circular banquet table, human next to monster. It didn't seem fair that Mom and Dad got to sit beside each other, even if they _were_ the Queen and King. Chara had argued with Dad that having the three Dreemurr children sitting next to each other, with Asriel in the middle, would follow the monster-human seating arrangement. But apparently that didn't count. 

Asriel sighed and returned his attention to his plate, picking at his food with a heavy engraved silver fork that his family never used except for times like this. In fact, _everything_ about this meal was different, compared to the normal, relaxed lifestyle his family usually enjoyed. The food was particularly dainty and exotic, Asriel supposed, which meant it was weird and tasted funny. The only drink options were water and (for the adults) wine. Certainly no soda. Not even any apple juice. The plates were fancy and had gold trim, the silverware was incredibly ornate, the napkins were stiff and heavy and stuffed into funny little silver rings. 

Even the room was unusual, although familiar in a slightly unnerving way. The Dreemurrs had no "royal" residence on the surface, and they could hardly invite distinguished state visitors to dine at their ordinary two-story home in the suburbs of Ebott Valley. So the New Home palace in the Underground was kept alive and welcoming for just such an occasion. If his parents felt conflicted about returning to the kingdom of their imprisonment, hosting the kind of people who had once put them there, they didn't show it. It still felt a little weird to Asriel, though. At least the humans seemed impressed, when they were escorted in through the Barrier cavern and saw the grand palace in front of them, imposing with its massive rough stone walls, yet still cheerful and warm, lit up from every window and glowing under the twinkling rock-stars that encrusted the cave ceiling far above them. What the stone palace lacked in exterior opulence, it more than made up for in location. 

Asriel glanced around the table. Everyone was either busy with their fancy food or carrying on some meaningless small talk with the person next to them. Dad had a neutral, pleasant look on his face as the Earl of Something-Or-Other gestured with his fork, frowning as he spoke with some intensity. Mom was daintily dabbing her muzzle with the corner of her napkin, the way she had drilled into each of her children. All of them thought it was ridiculous - if you've got a napkin the size of a hand towel, why not just rub your whole face with it when it's sticky? 

The only ones who seemed to be fully enjoying themselves were Gerson and a retired military officer seated next to him. The grizzled veteran was as wrinkled as a prune and had to be at least 80. His military jacket, festooned with various ribbons and medals, had probably looked quite impressive earlier, but was now unbuttoned and rumpled as the man huddled together conspiratorially with Gerson, tapping him occasionally with his wine glass or slapping him on the shell as the two of them cackled together. 

Asriel turned back to his food. The potatoes were decent, at least. The fish was OK, he supposed, but not really his favorite. The vegetables held no interest for him at all - a bunch of some kind of green spear-type things, and a dollop of some weird bright pink stuff that quivered when he poked it with his fork. He had also been served something called "caviar". He wasn't entirely sure what it was, but Chara wasn't touching hers, so he wasn't going to risk it. Did anyone actually like this stuff? Why couldn't you just have burgers and popato chisps at a state dinner? Or pizza - who didn't like pizza? Wouldn't the humans enjoy that more? He sure would. 

His dreamy vision of a huge, stuffed-crust pepperoni pizza was interrupted by a crash near the banquet hall, causing him to jump. A few guests lifted their heads, but since this wasn't the first unusual sound coming from behind the kitchen doors, no one paid much attention. No one except Asriel, whose heart was pounding as he tried to smooth his fur back down. The one interesting thing this particular state banquet - if you could call a sword of Damocles dangling above your head "interesting" - was the moments of absolute terror that punctuated it. Not terror for everyone - just for Asriel. As much as Mom loved to cook, her position as the Queen of all monsters necessitated that the meal preparation for diplomatic banquets be turned over to someone else. Usually that was someone competent. Tonight, it was Undyne and Papyrus. 

To be fair, the culinary skills of both of them had advanced beyond the house-incineration level. Papyrus' enthusiasm in discovering a new, less weapon-based method of cooking from Mom had led him to request that his lessons with Undyne be augmented by supplemental training from the Queen. Undyne had been deeply suspicious of the lack of spear-based passion in Toriel's methods, but she couldn't argue with the mouth-watering results. And so, over the course of many months, Mom had gently-but firmly-taught the two of them how to bake, fry, roast, grill, poach, and sauté an impressive number of dishes. She even taught them how to tournée cut potatoes into little seven-sided ovals. Papyrus thought they were charming. Asriel thought it was silly. 

Fast-forward to this week, when the Queen had displayed an astonishing (and worrisome) level of trust in her two students by declaring they were ready for something grand and had put them in charge of preparing the meal for the evening. Frisk had shrugged with a grin upon hearing the news, but Asriel had been gobsmacked. Frisk may only have seen Undyne's house burn down once, but Flowey's unique and repeated sojourns through the Underground had given him a front-row seat to the immolation of her home several times during her dinner preparation, sometimes taking out the Blook family farm and residences with it. There had even been a few timelines where Undyne had visited the MTT Resort restaurant, discovered that she couldn't get anything without a reservation, and had kicked her way into the kitchen to whip up something herself. Flowey hadn't understood how it was physically possible for jets of fire to shoot out of every single window in the building simultaneously, but he hadn't stuck around to find out. 

There was little danger of that happening tonight. Nevertheless, several unexpected crashing and clattering sounds from the kitchen adjacent to the dining room, accompanied by barely restrained yells and _NYEH!_ outbursts, had seriously rattled Asriel's nerves. Earlier, the human guests had occasionally glanced at the swinging doors with concern, but his parents' well-practiced diplomatic skills allowed them to continue talking at perfect ease as the unseen disasters occurred in the kitchen, keeping their confused guests mostly at ease. Eventually the ominous culinary sounds almost became part of the background noise. But for the eleventh time during the dinner, Asriel turned his head to glance at the fire extinguisher discretely mounted on the wall, close to his chair. Just in case. 

As the noise died down, everything returned to normal around the table. Which was to say, it went back to being mind-numbingly boring. Asriel sighed and tried to figure out if there was a way he could snag another bun, since he had wolfed his down at the start of the meal. 

Without warning, something struck him in the face. He jerked back and instinctively reached up to his muzzle, before looking down to see what had just hit him. He had eaten his entire salad earlier, which seemed safer than the weird jiggly food on his plate, but the bowl which was empty a moment ago now contained a solitary pea. He looked at it in disbelief, slowly coming to the inescapable conclusion that someone, during this very important, very formal state banquet, had just intentionally pelted him with a pea. 

There was no mystery here. He turned to glare at the perpetrator. 

Chara was acting very innocent, taking a sip of water from her goblet and refusing to meet his eyes. Asriel wasn't fooled for a minute. He glanced at the woman sitting between them and waited for her to look away. Then, without raising his arm, he pointed a claw at his sister. A small, almost transparent beam of light shot out of it, and a nearly invisible star sailed across and collided with Chara's ear. 

Instantly he realized his mistake. The shock in her wide-open eyes and the spluttering she made as she involuntarily tipped her goblet into her face, sloshing some of the water onto the table, told Asriel that Chara's innocent act hadn't been an act at all. It only took a second for her to wipe her face, then turn her outraged crimson eyes on him. Asriel could feel his face growing uncomfortably warm. He tried to subtly lift his paws, palms facing her, while mouthing "Sorry!" She spread out her hands in return, raising her eyebrows in a nonverbal demand that he explain himself. 

Before he could figure out how he could possibly escape Chara's righteous wrath, Asriel's salvation unexpectedly arrived in the form of another pea bouncing off Chara's nose. She twitched, blinking in surprise, and lowered her hands. She stared in confusion at her brother again and Asriel, in a burst of inspiration, picked up and showed her the pea that had landed in his salad bowl. A light of understanding came into Chara's eyes and she gave a small nod. 

Both of them turned to glare at Frisk. 

Asriel paused. Frisk certainly _looked_ innocent, in the process of grimacing as he took a bite of his caviar. But wasn't that the perfect way to avoid suspicion - fire off an attack, then do something painful to yourself to disguise it? On the other hand, Asriel didn't want to launch another undeserved counteroffensive. On the _other_ other hand, though, who else could the culprit possibly be but Frisk? 

That question, which was meant to be rhetorical, suddenly took on much greater significance as Frisk was hit right between the eyes with a pea. He recoiled and his eyes shot wide open (which was almost the normal amount of open compared to everyone else). Immediately he turned to stare at Asriel open-mouthed, then at Chara. Asriel turned as well. Chara already had a pea loaded up in her spoon, apparently preparing to enter the battle, but she was now staring at Frisk in surprise. For another few seconds the three siblings exchanged confused looks with each other. 

A vital clue arrived in the form of another pea bouncing off Asriel's head. This time he caught the trajectory and whipped his head to look. The gleeful eyes of Gerson met his from across the table. The turtle monster had a spoon dangling in his hand from which he had just launched yet another projectile, and a small arsenal of peas sat on his napkin. He gave Asriel a huge smile and wink. The oldster beside him was doubled-over his plate, clutching a spoon of his own and convulsing with barely suppressed laughter. He raised himself up and pointed at Frisk before succumbing to another fit. Gerson gave the other two children an exaggerated wink, before using his spoon to daintily take a sip of his soup. 

The skirmish came to a sudden halt, as did all other activity around the table, as an incredible cacophony of crashing, shattering, and a noise that sounded remarkably like a spear repeatedly pounding a steel pot burst from the kitchen. The frosted glass windows on the kitchen doors suddenly became opaque as something splattered onto them and began to slowly ooze downwards. An alarm started going off in the kitchen. Several excited voices could be heard behind the doors, and a minute later the goopy substance on the windows was wiped off. The harsh buzz of the alarm disappeared abruptly with a crunching sound. A moment later, a skeleton dressed in a formal outfit complete with bowtie and red vest, stepped through the swinging doors. He cleared his throat loudly. 

"I DO SINCERELY AND HEARTILY APOLOGIZE, MOST NOBLE HUMAN DIGNITARIES AND ASSEMBLED ROYALTY, BUT THERE WILL BE A SLIGHT DELAY IN THE ARRIVAL OF DESSERT. ON BEHALF OF THE ENTIRE CULINARY STAFF, PLEASE ACCEPT OUR HUMBLEST APOLOGIES." 

He bowed deeply at the waist. The effect was somewhat different than the respect he intended to convey, as his upper body bent all the way down until his head touched his kneecaps. Fortunately, he missed the several gasps of horror from around the table. The King, who was closest, quickly put out a paw to gently unfold him. 

"Thank you, Papyrus. I am sure that the dessert will taste all the better for what little delay there may be in its arrival." 

"THANK YOU, YOUR MAJESTY!" said the skeleton, returning to normal shape. "I TRUST YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED BY THE SCRUMPTIOUS DELICACY WE ARE WHIPPING UP RIGHT NOW! _NYEH HEH HE-um-_ " Papyrus caught the Queen's glance and tactfully converted his cackling into a few coughs. "AT ANY RATE, MOST EXALTED LORDS AND LADIES, DUKES AND DUCHESSES, EARLS AND EARLESSES, PLEASE ENJOY YOUR MEAL WHILE WE CLEAN UP- UH- THAT IS, WHILE WE WORK ON THE FINISHING TOUCHES! WE WILL HAVE SOME MORE BUNS SENT OUT FOR YOU TO NOSH ON UNTIL THEN!" 

With a bow, far less bendy this time, Papyrus turned and disappeared through the doors. 

Slowly, the chatter around the table picked up again, and the momentary terror turned back into ordinary boringness. But at least there were more buns now! 

As the minutes wore on, Asriel wished he had someone to talk to. He had met, then promptly forgotten the name of the man who sat between him and Frisk, a rotund civil servant who had mumbled a greeting, then had plowed into the meal as soon as the first course arrived. The man hadn't looked up since, other than to briefly note the drama that occasionally emanated from the kitchen. To the prince's left, was a middle-aged woman, a sour-faced diplomatic attaché of some kind (Dad had told him once what that meant, but he'd forgotten) who hadn't looked terribly pleased at discovering her place in the pecking order landed her a seat between two children. As for her name, Asriel _definitely_ remembered it, to the point of turning red and fighting down giggles if he thought about it too long. Chara had spotted the name "Madam Swainmoth" on the guest list earlier that day. 

> "Hey, Ree, look, Madam Swinemouth is going to be attending tonight." 
> 
> Asriel snorted. "What? That can't be her name!" He looked where Chara was pointing. "That's SWAIN. SWAINmoth." 
> 
> "It probably means 'pig' in their language. We get to sit next to Lady Pork Chop." 
> 
> "Stop, Chara!" Asriel covered his mouth to muffle the giggles that were starting to escape, which wasn't helped by the mirth in his sister's eyes. "They speak the same language as us, and you're going to get us in trouble!" 
> 
> "Ok, fine, whatever, Ree. I just thought you wanted to know. I'm sorry you feel that way about Madam Pig Face." 
> 
> "STOOOOOOP!" 
> 
> After fighting down the chortles, the two of them settled back into their schoolwork. For about thirty seconds, the only sound was the scratching of pencils in notebooks. Chara's quiet voice broke the silence. 
> 
> "Oink." 
> 
> The explosions and snortings from both of them brought Toriel into the living room, wondering what was so funny. They blanched, but the force of Toriel's momly glare of suspicion was too much to resist, and they confessed. The result was a stern lecture on the importance of polite social protocol and a ban on playing video games for the rest of the day. 

As uninteresting as the man to his right was, Asriel desperately wished Madam Swainmoth would follow his example and stick to her food. She was the sort of woman who clearly had no idea how to talk to children. From time to time, she would turn either to him or his sister and speak in a condescending sing-song voice that was just a little too loud, as if they were four-year-olds. 

"Well, Ezrol," she said for the third time, producing a snort from two seats off to his right. "You have such long, floppy ears! Do your special ears let you hear things far, far away?" 

Asriel unclenched his teeth. "I'm not really sure, ma'am. I guess? They just work like normal ears for me." 

"They're so soft!" cooed the woman, reaching out a hand to stroke one. Asriel cringed and tried to lean away as tactfully as he could, fighting to keep his expression neutral. Turning away from the caressing fingers, he caught sight of Frisk and saw the sympathy in his eyes. He was sure his own eyes were desperate, calling for help that wouldn't come. 

"Do you ever have problems with water getting in your ears, Ezrol? I have a Pekingese - that's a type of small dog, you know - and it's sooo hard when she gets water down her ears! I have to use vinegar to try to clean them out. Does your mother do that for yours? 

"No, ma'am," he said, reaching up a hand to brush his own ear and gently break the lady's fingers away from it. "My ears don't really have that problem, and I can clean them myself." 

"Oh, good for you!" she gushed, contorting her face into a patronizing grin. 

Asriel managed a watery smile and turned to his food, hoping desperately that the lady would take a hint and leave him alone. It worked, but it turned out he had sacrificed his sister in the process. 

"And you, sweetie! What a pretty crown you have on your head! That's called a 'tiara', I believe." 

Asriel risked looking back over. Chara had fixed her with a stare, possibly preventing the lady from reaching up to fiddle with the tiara. 

"Thank you. Yes, that's what it's called," she said evenly. 

"And don't you look lovely in that dress? I expect a fancy meal like this must be a real treat for you, isn't it?" 

Asriel watched Chara's face carefully for any warning signs, but to his relief she appeared to be keeping things under control. She even managed to produce a strained smile. 

"Thank you. We… certainly don't have meals like this at home." 

"No, it's such delicious human food! It must be a little frightening living with _monsters_ , isn't it, sweetie? I'll bet it's a nice change to be with your own people tonight, isn't it?" 

The fire that leapt in Chara's crimson eyes caused Asriel to gasp. From the sharp intake of breath to his right, he knew Frisk had heard the tactless question as well. But almost immediately Chara relaxed. A silly smile spread over her face, and she tilted her head bashfully. 

_Oh no._

Asriel's wide eyes darted over to Frisk. His brother gave a small, nervous shake of his head, confirming his fears. 

_She's doing the "silly little girl" thing! No, Chara, no…_

"My own people? You mean people like you? Oh, that's so silly! No, I love being with my monster family, Madam Swinemouth," Chara chirped happily, one hand idly twirling her long auburn hair. 

The lady's fork stopped above her plate as her mouth fell open. Asriel died. He glanced over to see that Frisk was dead as well, covering his face with one hand. Maybe it hadn't been so bad being Flowey; at least Flowey could have burrowed his way out of here. 

"Mom is really nice!" bubbled Chara in a childish voice, ignoring the lady's frozen expression. "Dad's great too! And Ree and Frisk are so fun to have as brothers," she added, gesturing towards the two of them. 

_Don't drag us into this!_ Asriel pleaded with his eyes. Frisk was finding a piece of eggplant on his plate incredibly interesting. 

"I'm soooooo glad to have all my monster friends, too! They're so much better than dumb _humans_." Chara batted her eyes at the woman, who was not moving. "Humans always come here to the palace and do silly things like bow to each other and shake hands while people take pictures, and talk with Mom and Dad about boooring things I don't understand like 'laws' or 'money'..." Chara smiled sweetly as she bobbed her head. "Or international sovereignty recognition, or the emerging field of thaumaturgical-based medicine, or the soteriological implications for monster souls, or the danger of the precious metals market collapsing if a glut of surplus gold is dumped onto the economy resulting in supply far outstripping demand… you know, silly grown-up things like that!" 

Asriel wasn't sure if the lady had blinked in the last thirty seconds. Bits of caviar were falling off her fork as it quivered slightly. Chara giggled. 

"Oh, and the other nice thing about monsters compared to dumb humans is that they get to have cool things like horns and stuff! Maybe one day I'll get to have some little horns just like Mom. Oh…!" 

Chara's innocent eyes opened wide. Asriel gripped the edge of the table, unable to tear his eyes away from the unfolding disaster. 

"Are you part monster too, Madam Swinemouth? It looks like you might be getting a little pig snout!" She reached up and gently brushed the woman's nose. 

The woman's face turned beet-red, and her forkful of caviar tipped into her wine glass. Just as Asriel decided that sliding under the table might be the least embarrassing choice available to him, the diplomatic train-wreck came to a merciful end by an entirely different disaster. 

A sudden crash caught everyone's attention, and the eyes of all the guests, even the shellshocked woman next to him, snapped in the direction of the kitchen where the doors had just burst open. Afterwards, Asriel figured that the doors' violent swinging was due to an enthusiastic kick, though he wasn't sure if it was from the head chef or her assistant. All he knew in that one, horrifying second, as his eyes locked onto the doorway and time itself slowed to a standstill, was that flames were coming out of the kitchen. He was dimly aware of someone yelling out "FIRE", only later realizing it was himself. 

In one smooth motion, practiced to perfection in his mind eleven times already in the last hour, Asriel propelled himself onto his feet, tipping his chair over backwards in the process, and swept the fire extinguisher off the wall. One claw yanked the safety ring free as he swung back around. Raising the cylinder, he aimed the flexible hose at the yellowish-blue flames that now appeared to be engulfing Undyne as she emerged from the kitchen. 

He squeezed the trigger. 

A wide plume of opaque white froth shot out, instantly covering the astonished man who had been sitting next to him, along with Frisk and a couple of other guests. In a panic, Asriel felt his way around the chairs, trying to judge in which direction the flames were behind the wall of foam in front of him. Finally, unable to see what was going on, he released the trigger and strained to look through the mist to see if there was still any danger. 

As he did so, Asriel slowly became aware of two things. First, the sounds of the room, which had disappeared for him during that moment of single-minded focus, began to return. There seemed to be an awful lot of scuffling and shouting going on. The other thing was the sight of Undyne, standing just beside the Queen, soaked to the skin, ponytail dripping on the carpet, her chef's hat drooping to one side. Her mouth hung open, and the eye that was fixed on Asriel was filled with pure, unadulterated bewilderment. In her hands was a silver platter which bore the sad, pummeled remains of a large Baked Alaska. Its ice cream had been blown off, and the meringue top had exploded onto several guests. His mother, frozen in her chair and staring at him in disbelief, did not seem to be aware of the large glob of gourmet ice cream that was slowly sliding off her ear. 

Needless to say, the flaming dessert had been successfully extinguished. 

Asriel's vision began to go blurry, as his mind screamed at him that _no, this wasn't happening, this was not happening, this could not POSSIBLY be happening_ . His knees started to wobble. He became dimly aware of the other guests - a very soggy Frisk now at his side, reaching out to steady him; a monster and a human wheezing and laughing uproariously; his mother opening and shutting her mouth several times. Before anyone else could react, however, Undyne slapped the cake down in front of the Queen (launching a few more chunks of meringue into the air) and gave Asriel a razor-sharp, ear-to-ear grin. 

"Yeah! YEAH! That was AWESOME! I had no idea that's how you put this thing out. Hey, Papyrus!" she yelled back into the kitchen. "I thought you said the alcohol was supposed to go out by itself! You didn't tell me about the whole fire extinguisher thing." She slapped the dazed prince heartily on the back. "Way to GO, punk!" 

Asriel would have collapsed if Frisk wasn't propping him up. 

"Hey, Toriel! We- uh-sorry, I mean your majesty… we gotta try that again! Can you light this thing up for me? I wanna give it a try! Paps, throw me the fire extinguisher on the wall next to the stove." 

After that, things became a blur for Asriel. As his mother grabbed Undyne's sleeve and pulled her down for a whisper, Asriel heard his father stand and launch into an impromptu but dignified apology. Most of the guests didn't pay him any attention; their stunned faces were staring at Asriel. The room started to spin around him. The fire extinguisher fell to the floor with a clunk. He glanced down to see if there was dirt under his roots, so he could just burrow away… wait, wasn't there some reason he couldn't? He felt Frisk's arms around him, and a moment later Chara was on his other side, speaking gently to him as she and Frisk carefully led him out of the royal dining hall. 

* * *

"So, it wasn't all bad," Frisk said as he spun around in the swivel rocker the next morning. 

The sun's golden rays bathed the living room in a soft, cheerful light - a marked contrast to the listless goat boy lying on the sofa reading a book and the girl seated at the dining room table, pen in hand, frowning at the sheet of paper in front of her. 

"Dad said he was glad it finally got the guy next to him to stop talking. He said he kept going on about some legal thing for most of the meal and kept trying to get Dad to promise to do something. Mom said most of the guests ended up thinking it was pretty funny." 

Chara looked up. "What did she say about the ones who got soaked right in front of the fire extinguisher?" 

"Um… she didn't mention them." 

Asriel groaned and covered his face with the book. 

"And it sounds like the old guy sitting next to Gerson is some big-wig in their government. He told Dad that he had never had as much fun at a banquet as the one last night. So that's good!" Frisk added hopefully. "Oh, and Undyne told mom that she wants to learn what other things she can cook that involve fire extinguishers. Mom was laughing when she mentioned it, so it sounds like she's taking it OK." 

Asriel grunted noncommittally from under the book. 

"Undyne even tried eating some of the dessert." 

"What, really?" Asriel asked, pulling the book away and sitting up. "What'd it taste like?" 

"She said it was pretty good! A little wetter than she expected, but apparently it was good enough that she and Papyrus cut it in half so they could both take some home." 

"Poor mom," Chara said. "Months of careful unteaching and reteaching how to cook, undone by Asriel's new innovations. What're you going to call that one, Ree? Vapor-blast cooking? Oh, I know! The "AquaFur" school of cooking. 

The prince tugged his ears over his eyes and moaned. "I don't ever want to see a fire extinguisher again." 

"Cheer up, Ree," Chara offered. "Look at it this way: Undyne's far less likely to burn down any kitchen she's in if she's using fire extinguishers as part of the cooking." 

"Oh, speaking of fire, that reminds me!" Frisk hopped out of the swivel chair and trotted over to the family computer. "You guys wanna play some _Riven?_ I've got an idea how to solve that fire marble puzzle on the giant dome." 

"Yeah!" said Asriel, bouncing off the couch. But he stopped mid-stride as he caught sight of Chara's sudden scowl. "Oh, wait, I forgot… Chara can't." 

"Why did **I** get grounded?" Chara exploded, slamming down her pen. "Asriel firehoses the whole room and covers half the people in ice-cream, and he gets off scot-free. But I make one _tiiiiiny_ little joke with some fussy old woman and now I don't get to play video games for a week?? AND I have to write her an apology letter?" 

Asriel blushed and looked down. Frisk came to his rescue. "I think it was intentions, sis. Dad says a king has to make quick decisions sometimes, and Azzy _was_ trying to put out a fire. It was just a mistake. Whereas you were… uh… you were, um…" Frisk trailed off sheepishly. 

"I was _trying_ to protect Ree! Did you see how she was fiddling with his ears like he was a goat at some petting zoo? And did you hear what she was saying about monsters? 'Oh, sweetie pie!'" Chara mimicked in a sing-song voice. "'Aren't you lucky that you get to sit with humans tonight and not those icky, icky monsters?' Ugh!" She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "She got what she deserved, as far as I'm concerned." 

"Yeah, uh… thanks, I guess," Asriel said awkwardly, fiddling with his ears again. "She was kinda rude, a little. But I didn't mean for you to get in trouble about it!" 

"Well, write a nice letter, and maybe Mom and Dad will change their mind and un-ground you," encouraged Frisk. 

"Oh!" replied his sister. "You guys wanna hear what I've written so far? Tell me how this sounds." 

Asriel plopped back on the couch, and Frisk sat on the office chair by the computer. Chara picked up the paper and cleared her throat. "After the 'Dear Mrs. Swainmoth' part, it says, _'On this occasion, I wanted to write to you to tell you how sorry I am for what happened at the banquet. I am sorry for what I said and did that night. Nothing can excuse my rude behavior.'_ She looked up. "How's that so far?" 

Frisk and Asriel looked at each other. 

"Um… well, it sounds a little stilted I think, but I guess it's a good start," said Frisk. 

"Yeah, it's pretty good," added Asriel, nodding. "Those are probably the right things to say." 

"Good," said Chara. There was an odd gleam in her eye as she picked up her pen and turned back to her letter. "Now, help me think of a sentence that starts with a "K". 

The two boys stared at her in confusion. Suddenly, Asriel's eyes shot wide open. He jumped up from the couch and marched over to the table. 

"Let me see that," he demanded, reaching for the letter. 

Chara made no attempt to stop him as he grabbed it, her face alight with glee. Frisk stepped over hesitantly. 

Asriel scanned the letter quickly. 

"No." 

He narrowed his eyes as he looked up. Chara grinned at him. 

"No, no, NO. Absolutely not, Chara! You are NOT sending her this letter. You're going to get grounded for a YEAR!" 

"She'll never notice!" Chara assured him, still grinning and twirling the pen. "It'll be our secret." 

"What are you talking about?" asked Frisk, as he tried to read the letter in Asriel's paw. 

The furry boy shook his head. "I'm sorry, Chara, but as your brother and protector and future king, it is my solemn duty to save you from yourself." With a puff, the paper burst into flames. 

Frisk yelped and hopped back. A few seconds later both the flames and the paper had disappeared. A small pile of ash dropped onto the table. 

"Oh, for crying out loud, Ree! She would never have figured it out." Chara tried to look mad but didn't entirely succeed. 

"Yeah, but Mom and Dad would have wanted to read it before you mailed it, and they might have!" 

"Excuse me," said Frisk, still mystified. "What is going on here?" 

"Nothing," Chara griped, stepping over to the desk to get a new sheet of paper. "Ree's just being a worrywart, that's all." 

"It is a sign of my love and commitment to my sister," announced Asriel, posing heroically and putting a paw on his chest. "One day she will thank me for saving her from her own stupid ideas." 

"I beg your pardon? I'm gonna thank _you_ , Mr. Super Soaker? You're lucky the humans didn't storm out of the palace last night and put up another barrier on their way out!" 

Her brother wasn't listening. His clasped paws flew to his cheek. "Oh, Asriel!" he cooed. "Thank you so much for rescuing me! Truly, you are the greatest of brothers, and your vast wisdom has saved me once again from my incredibly dumb plans. I count it a great honor to be your sister, and to benefit from your sage advice and-" 

"How about you benefit from my _fists_?" 

With a bleat, Asriel toppled backwards onto the couch as Chara dove on him and began pummeling him with throw pillows. Frisk sighed and walked over the large drawer under the window seat. 

"I'm going to get a board game ready for whenever you're done. You wanna play _Ticket to Ride_ , Chara? 

"Yes, if I get to be yellow. _Where's your vast wisdom now, goat face?"_

"Azzy? _Ticket to Ride?"_

_"Aaaaaaaaaahh!"_

"Cool." 

* * *

"Did you hear that?" Toriel asked. 

She and Asgore were in the kitchen, washing the fancy china and silverware by hand. She turned her head. Loud thumpings were coming from the living room, along with an awful lot of squealing. Suddenly there was a loud _WHUMP_ , followed by silence, then the sound of several people desperately trying to muffle their giggles with their hands and paws. 

"Was that the _sofa_ tipping over?" she asked incredulously. She laid down the platter she was holding and turned, but before she could take a step, Asgore placed a paw over her hand. 

"No. I didn't hear anything." He didn't take his eyes off the serving fork in his hands. "And I don't think you did either, dear." 

Toriel thought for a moment. Then she turned back to the sink and picked up the platter, a long-suffering smile on her face. "No, I suppose you are right. It must have just been the wind." 

**Author's Note:**

> This story has its origins in a discussion [Gote_Herder](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28877775) started about what royal dining etiquette for the Dreemurrs would look like. Individual scenes began to flash in my mind, but when [YetAnotherPersona](https://archiveofourown.org/users/YetAnotherPersona/pseuds/YetAnotherPersona) said the words "fire extinguisher", suddenly the full story unfolded in all its ridiculous glory.
> 
> You can also hear this story read aloud to my children, if you like, at <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfL3DJiSFHY>.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it, and thank you for reading! If you'd care to leave a comment, I'd love to hear what you think.


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